File Name: difficult mothers understanding and overcoming their power .zip
- Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power [PDF] Full Ebook
- Understanding and Dealing with Toxic Parents and Co-Parents
- All about my mother
- Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers And Romantic Relationships
As with many things, the factors that lead to child abuse are complex and often interwoven with other issues. These issues may be far more difficult to detect and understand than the abuse itself. Being a parent can be a joyful, meaningful, and sometimes overwhelming experience.
Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power [PDF] Full Ebook
When Dickens' Miss Havisham is berating Estella, the child she brought up, for being cold, Estella replies, "You should know. I am what you have made me. Take all the praise, take all the blame, take all the success, take all the failure; in short, take me. Mothers whose controlling, angry, envious or narcissistic relationships with their children and the effects these have on young lives are a popular topic in literature.
In Difficult Mothers , Terri Apter discusses the real-life dynamics of problematic mother-child relationships and explores why some mothers have such a powerful hold over their children long into adulthood.
She reports the results of an extensive survey of mothers and makes suggestions for ways in which destructive bonds can be broken. Some of the women described here exert enormous control over their children's lives. Their influence is so malign that it makes the reader wonder how much they are difficult mothers and how much they are simply difficult people full stop.
Many of the behaviours that Apter describes seem to be the result of borderline personality disorders that would manifest themselves in all of a woman's relationships rather than exclusively with her children. For many others, however, these behavioural traits seem to appear as a result of becoming a mother. Many of the instances of problematic mother-child relationships reveal the good intentions behind what appears to the rest of the world and especially to children as suffocating and restrictive parenting.
The fear of putting children in danger, exposing them to the wrong social influences or failing to educate them properly can have far-reaching consequences. Some of the narcissistic mothers that Apter describes, on the other hand, act only for their own advantage, with no consideration for their child. In such circumstances, the term "difficult mother" is a euphemism for child abuser.
These extremely difficult mothers are not as rare as might be hoped. Apter presents the results of a study in which 20 per cent of the sample reported having difficult mothers and 6 per cent describe behaviour that could be classified as narcissistic.
This is a potentially significant finding, given that narcissistic personality disorder is present in less than 1 per cent of the general population. I would have loved to read more on this study and its implications. I also found it difficult to incorporate other types of problematic parenting into Apter's conception of difficult mothers. So-called tiger mothers, who impose a harsh regime of work and discipline on their children, would fit many people's intuitive "difficult mother" criteria.
When children can develop self-esteem only through academic or musical achievement, it is usually found that their self-esteem is much lower than that of their non-tiger-mothered peers. And are tiger mothers really any different from the "pageant mothers" who fulfil their lost dreams by parading their daughters around dressed as reimagined and glamorised versions of their younger selves?
An interesting issue raised in Difficult Mothers is how mothers may be difficult with only one of their children. Apter discusses sibling order, temperament and external factors that may influence this. While it is difficult to believe that highly narcissistic mothers are particularly selective in their narcissism, the idea that mothers can exercise different levels of control with their children according to their age, gender or personality is very plausible.
Nevertheless, whether a child is the subject of a mother's attack or the passive observer of it, the constant exposure to fear changes them. The way in which two children might react to bad mothering is like a bottle falling to the floor. It may break cleanly leaving few sharp edges, or it may shatter into a thousand shards.
Apter certainly left me pondering the type of mother I have, and the type of mother I have become. Perhaps for this reason alone, Difficult Mothers should be compulsory reading in pregnancy. Get a month's unlimited access to THE content online. Just register and complete your career summary. Registration is free and only takes a moment. Once registered you can read a total of 3 articles each month, plus:.
Already registered or a current subscriber? Skip to main content. Long-term misery caused by problematic maternal behaviour gives Janine Spencer pause for thought. September 27, Share on twitter Share on facebook Share on linkedin Share on whatsapp Share on mail.
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Understanding and Dealing with Toxic Parents and Co-Parents
Susan Forward Ph. Worry keeps Caroline awake at night. It affects work, school, relationships and other matters. This research focused on narcissistic homes as described by adult daughters of narcissistic mothers. You can substitute other phrases for 'narcissistic husband' here.
A s a child I was riveted by other people's mothers: their air of being possessed — perhaps even imprisoned — by their lives constituted a kind of two-way mirror through which I could see them without, it seemed, being seen myself. I lacked this facility with my own mother: not only could I not truly see her, or see her whole, but she seemed to know things about me that I was not aware of having made public. At home the struggle to establish and defend the boundary of self was interior, whereas with other people's mothers everything was accomplished by a mutual reading of surfaces which, if occasionally awkward, offered much more in the way of entertainment. One could lie, for instance, without appearing to be found out; but most of all one could view in safety the maternal persona itself, which more than any other was exposed by the forms it took, so that it seemed there was nothing you couldn't find out about someone else's mother simply by looking. She expressed herself in everything, from the food on the table to the washing on the line, was intimately revealed in every room of the house, a creature entirely given over to outward impressions both sensory and actual — a person, in fact, with no privacy.
All about my mother
When Dickens' Miss Havisham is berating Estella, the child she brought up, for being cold, Estella replies, "You should know. I am what you have made me. Take all the praise, take all the blame, take all the success, take all the failure; in short, take me. Mothers whose controlling, angry, envious or narcissistic relationships with their children and the effects these have on young lives are a popular topic in literature. In Difficult Mothers , Terri Apter discusses the real-life dynamics of problematic mother-child relationships and explores why some mothers have such a powerful hold over their children long into adulthood.
To content To menu To search. By vickie wilson on Friday, April 13 , A Boy, a Dog, and a Frog download pdf, Website link free epub ebooks.
Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers And Romantic Relationships
These are all comments from people on Mumsnet, the parenting website, showing that the old adage that we all turn into our parents is still striking fear into the hearts of many. But is it true that we're doomed to repeat their mistakes? Or can a difficult parent actually teach you things that an ideal parent can't? A new book, Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power , by the psychologist and Cambridge fellow Terri Apter, says that a difficult parent does have a huge impact on whom we become, but we aren't necessarily doomed to repeat their mistakes. In fact, having a difficult parent can give you some important characteristics and skills that a child with a happy upbringing might not have. Reflecting on what was difficult about your maternal relationship will help you to prevent copying their behaviour in later life," she explains, but this isn't as easy as it might sound. Some people take years to rid themselves of the of their parents' influence.
ГЛАВА 5 Куда все подевались? - думала Сьюзан, идя по пустому помещению шифровалки. - Ничего себе чрезвычайная ситуация. Хотя большинство отделов АНБ работали в полном составе семь дней в неделю, по субботам в шифровалке было тихо. По своей природе математики-криптографы - неисправимые трудоголики, поэтому существовало неписаное правило, что по субботам они отдыхают, если только не случается нечто непредвиденное.
Кольцо? - Он вдруг забеспокоился. Вгляделся в полоску на пальце и пристыжено покраснел. - О Боже, - хмыкнул он, - значит, эта история подтверждается. Беккеру даже сделалось дурно. - Прошу прощения. Офицер покачал головой, словно не веря своим глазам.
- Я не Северная Дакота. Нет никакой Северной Дакоты. Забудьте о ней! - Он отключил телефон и запихнул за ремень.
Сердце ее готово было выскочить из груди. Было видно, что Хейл ей не поверил. - Может быть, хочешь воды. Она не нашлась что ответить.
- Мы должны позвать людей на помощь. Нам обоим грозит опасность. Сьюзан не верила ни единому его слову.
Позади уже закрывались двери. Беккер понял, что, если его преследователь находится внутри, он в западне. В Севильском соборе единственный вход одновременно является выходом.
Он хорошо запомнил это обрюзгшее лицо. Человек, к которому он направил Росио. Странно, подумал он, что сегодня вечером уже второй человек интересуется этим немцем. - Мистер Густафсон? - не удержался от смешка Ролдан. - Ну .
Беккер растерялся. Очевидно, он ошибался. Девушка обвила его руками.
В одном ухе странная серьга, кажется, в виде черепа. - В Севилье есть панки и рокеры.